Audience power essays

1) WWW: There’s no doubt you’ve picked up on some of the debates we’ve had in class regarding the impact of the internet and your essay contains a solid, easy to follow structure.

EBI: However, overall I feel this is disappointing given the target we have agreed to aim for in Media. If you’re serious about aiming for a grade 8 then you need to be writing in much more depth and detail – 540 words meets the minimum requirements but other students aiming for similar targets have written 800, 900 or even over 1,000 words for the same task.

One minor point – don’t use subheadings in academic essays. Instead, make sure you are writing excellent topic sentences that clearly show the reader what the following paragraph will be focusing on.

One vital area to focus on in future is ensuring you answer the question. In fact, you don’t even focus on the question in your introduction and don’t use one of the key words from the question – power – until your conclusion. By then it’s too late! (5)Choose one of the industries you’ve written about and re-draft for your LR with sharp focus on audience power.

Another crucial aspect to work on is your written English. You make far too many errors in spelling, punctuation and grammar for GCSE level. It is unforgiveable to be consistently getting there/their/they’re wrong at this level. Similarly, you almost never use capital letters for names – this is primary school level stuff. 

2) 545

3) I think that my conclusion is my strongest paragraph as I included many different points that linked to the question.

4) I believe my weakest paragraph is my introduction as I don't answer the question in it, also I don't use many keywords in it.

5)  

As media has evolved the music industry has changed drastically. Before the internet evolved the audience only heard music from buying cds or listening to it on the radio, now people can stream music for free on youtube or they can download music with apps such as Spotify if they pay for a subscription service. Furthermore if they want to listen to music on the go for free they use illegal music apps. However if music artists don’t make enough money as everyone is illegally downloading their song then they may stop making music as they don’t goin enough profit.